I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
