Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
