Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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