I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
