I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
