So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
