Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
