Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
