i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
