girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
