my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
