Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
