So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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