is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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