It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Randomize
