Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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