I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
