Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
