Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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