Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
