letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
