Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
worst night to have a conscience
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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