I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Houston, we have a squirter
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
