I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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