You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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