If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
