just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
