The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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