$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Your dad touched me again.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
