i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
