Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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