So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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