That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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