I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
