sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
This house was built for laser tag.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
