hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
