She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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