If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
