i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
