It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
