Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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