i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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