Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This is my gift to your gina
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
