i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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