we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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