i love accidental penises.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
