A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
