We won't sleep together?
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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