I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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