honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
